A Calling Lived Out (by Jon Allen)
Twelve years ago I wrote about something I was still trying to understand: what does it look like to live out a calling when you don't really want to be the person in the spotlight?
What does a calling lived out actually look like for me?
Recently our church received the news that our worship pastor and his family were being called into a new ministry at another church. We said our goodbyes as they headed to Ohio to continue pursuing their call in ministry.
The whole experience made me stop and ask that question.
My first church job was here as an intern youth pastor. I spent four years doing very little up-front ministry and a whole lot behind the scenes.
And honestly, that was where I fell in love with ministry.
I loved being a pastor to students without feeling like I needed to be the person on the stage. My passion was the everyday stuff. Being with students. Having conversations. Walking through life together.
“The pictures that make me smile are the ones where you could just tell our youth group spent our lives together.”
Eventually I was called to another church, and suddenly I wasn't the intern anymore.
I was the youth pastor.
I assumed that meant I was supposed to become the kind of up-front personality I had watched other pastors be. So I participated more in Sunday mornings. I prayed from the stage. I spoke to adults. Eventually I even helped begin an intergenerational service.
There were big screens. Lights. Programs. Things that looked impressive in pictures.
But when I look back at those pictures, I still get this strange feeling:
That wasn't really me.
The pictures that make me smile are the ones where you can tell that our youth group spent our lives together. Those were the good times in ministry.
I haven't always been comfortable being seen.
Back in college, I once ran for a student government position and had to address the freshman class in chapel.
I walked to the microphone. Said one word. And froze.
I literally couldn't continue.
I've come a long way since then. I can speak to large groups now. But solving that problem eventually revealed another one.
I genuinely love the behind-the-scenes part of ministry.
I would often rather sit with students than stand on a stage.
Have you ever planned a Bible lesson that happens during a card game? Or in the passenger seat of a car? Or in a conversation that nobody else ever sees?
That's my style.
“I do want to be heard.
I just don't want to be loud.”
I believe God called me into ministry.
I'm just not convinced He called me into the show.
My hope was that God would continue expanding the opportunities I had to serve and lead. At the same time, I was afraid He might keep calling me outside my comfort zone.
Can my calling really be lived out without becoming the front man?
Is there room on a pastoral staff for the behind-the-scenes guy?
– Jon, August 2014
I still don't really want to be the guy in the spotlight.
I read this article again twelve years later, and what surprised me most was how little the sentiment in my heart has changed.
I still find myself fighting the desire to be the person in the spotlight.
Not because I don't want the spotlight. If I'm being self-aware, I'm sure somewhere deep down there is a part of me that does.
But after another twelve years of ministry, I've learned how much harder it can be to get the job done when everyone needs your attention.
There was something really fun about being the assistant to the guy in the spotlight.
You had almost unlimited potential to make things happen without carrying all of the burden that came with being the person everyone was looking toward.
You could build.
You could create.
You could solve problems.
You could move toward people.
And sometimes, while everyone else's attention was focused somewhere else, you could accomplish even more.
But I've learned something important.
Someone has to carry that burden.
Someone has to be willing to stand in front of the faith community.
Someone has to be the pastor people look toward when things are going well and when everything seems to be falling apart.
Someone has to make decisions. Someone has to help give direction. Someone has to stand there when people need an answer and there isn't an easy one.
Over the years I've also had the opportunity to watch what that kind of responsibility can do to a person.
I've seen the weight of leadership carried over time.
And maybe part of growing into leadership is realizing that eventually our generation has to help carry the load.
So maybe my relationship with the spotlight has changed.
I don't think I need to chase it.
But I don't think I need to run from it either.
Finding my place in the spotlight doesn't have to diminish my ability to be heard.
Taking on greater responsibility doesn't have to turn me into the kind of leader I was afraid of becoming when I wrote this twelve years ago.
The burden was never supposed to rest entirely on my back.
If God asks me to carry more, then ultimately that weight has to be placed firmly on the back of my Father in heaven.
Because one of the greatest temptations in leadership is believing that because God has asked you to carry something, He expects you to carry it alone.
He doesn't.
Twelve years ago I wrote:
I do want to be heard. I just don't want to be loud.
I think I still mean it.
Maybe I've just learned that being willing to stand where people can see you isn't necessarily about wanting attention.
Sometimes it's about being willing to carry the responsibility of being seen.
JON ALLEN · SEPTEMBER 2026